When posturing as an authority, self-criticism is about as palatable as a mouthful of psilocybin mushrooms. Newly anointed ‘food guy,’ I drew the preposterous conclusion that my own skills were far superior to most professionals. Well, I’m a jackass. I’m not sure from where the arrogance came.
The recipe was a Four Cheese Risotto, so thick and decadent and your arteries hardened between bites, a dish I wanted to make to show my gratitude to Bellisima who was an indispensable force for the entire inception of this site. Had I stopped there, things would have been fine if not intimate, but I insisted on making it my own much in the same way a piece of velvet might feel good to the touch but rubbed rapidly back and forth across your skin 147, 549 times would not.
I dry sautéed some asparagus sending up enough smoke in the house to drive the dog outside and pureed some jarred roasted peppers into a nice couli. My thoughts were to line the plate with the couli, fan out the asparagus and then fling the risotto in the middle. Noble attempt perhaps but overly ambitious and just all over the place. Too much on one plate.
Keeping Bellisima occupied, I just handed her several hunks of cheese and told her to grate until she successfully sliced the tips of all her fingers off. We had far more cheese than the recipe needed which was fine at first because nothing looks better than a big pile of cheese on your cutting board. However, in my increasingly drunken state as we had knocked off two bottles of wine on a completely empty stomach as it headed past nine, I kept jacking with the temperature from low to high depending on my ability to focus and stay at the pot and stir. I broke the risotto and hit the saturation point far too quickly. Thinking the cheese would firm it up, I dumped all of it in. Although it tasted fine, it just made it gooey and it really didn’t have the creamy texture it should have had.
I thought of my mother. She refers to risotto as slimy rice. This was slimy.
Bellisima, always positive and far too optimistic than to hang around a caustic prick like myself, cooed and yummed and finally, I got something in her stomach as we rounded the bend and began to work on bottle three.
Although perhaps hot, I think perhaps a C would have been a generous grade. Had I focused, adhered to the recipe and kept the temperature constant, it would have been a far better entrée.
My hats off to the restaurateurs, chefs and cooks across the city. Your job requires much more skill, know-how and insight than most give you credit. A cook book and a sharp knife does not make one a good cook.
Four cheese Risotto with prosciutto and asparagus. Cheeses: taleggio, gruyere, fontina and gorgonzola. Spring salad with Dijon vinaigrette. Sourdough. Argentinean Malbec. Grade of C. Average at best. Saved by the Malbec.
March 18th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
I beg to disagree with your grading, it warrented much better than a “C”. However, as I am not a chef (nor do I play one on TV), and simply a girl who loves to eat, take that for what it’s worth.
The Malbec was fabulous, yes, but the risotto… I’m still dreaming about it and smiling in my sleep. Yum!
March 23rd, 2007 at 10:12 am
Gave it another shot, kept the broth steaming hot and the risotto on low with a constant stir. Much better.
June 13th, 2007 at 8:53 am
Wait…you mean to tell me that you were drinking while cooking??? YOU?? no, say it isnt so!!! I had your food and for you to rate it as a “C” must have been due to your druken state. There is nothing “C” about your cooking dear. Keep up the good work and heaven forbid, don’t ever stop drinking the beautiful wines.
October 9th, 2007 at 8:27 pm
ahhh, but i remember you doing just fine with the “spring vegetable risotto”!!! then again, i remember that being a “cooking light” recipe. therefore, our gluttonous palates remained unsatisfied… save for the malbec. even then!